This weekend I learned

This weekend I learned that a 17' U-Haul isn't nearly big enough. I also learned how much crap I've accumulated (why do I hold on to decks of cards that are missing cards?), how black the top of the refrigerator gets with dust, the variable meaning of "I've emptied all the cabinets", and that my wife really doesn't like cast iron cookware. I also learned that emptying a truck is much faster than loading one; but oddly, as slow as it takes to pack up all of life's detritus into boxes, it takes much longer to unpack the boxes once they are successfully moved into the garage of the new place. I also have rediscovered the meaning of "sore", I feel like I've been run over by the truck I rented, and I look forward to being able to rediscover all these wonderous things next weekend. But the best thing is, I learned that Home is where you choose to go to have a Negro Modello, sit by the fire, and recover when life has been hard lived.

Old Dog, New Tricks Part II: I Should Have Seen it Coming

Yeah. So here's the ultimate consequence of teaching my dog to fetch my slippers:


Who didn't see THAT coming?

Old Dog, New Tricks.

So I taught my dog to fetch my slippers, imagining some better world where I could come home after a hard day's work, sit down, take off my shoes, and have my slippers brought to me automatically. Here's how it worked out:

1. Slippers can be brought to me anytime: When I come home from work. When I get up in the morning. When I'm taking a shower. When I'm sitting on the can. When I'm having an argument. When I'm writing. When I'm leaving for work, etc...


2. Slippers are happily brought to my general vicinity, but if I can actually use them at that moment, my dog will stay playfully just out of reach, never quite willing to relinquish them, but apparently taking great joy in showing me the fact that she has them.


3. There is no guarantee that the slippers will arrive particularly dry.


4. Sometimes my dog will try to fetch my slippers, even while I'm still wearing them. She's a big dog (85lb), so this can be quite dangerous. Especially if she does this while I'm puttering around before I've had my morning coffee.


5. Sometimes I only get one slipper.