Some Things That Really Suck

Being told you have MS.
Being told you have MS over the phone.
Being told you have MS over the phone, while on your way to pick up the kids from daycare.

Beth, you haven’t had it easy in life. There was nothing fair about cancer, and there’s nothing just about MS.

Hang in there, stay strong, and savor whatever joy each day can offer.

The World That Takes a Shit

This world of ours sometimes comes in and takes a big ol' steaming shit right on our birthday cakes. Though sometimes we try to cover it up with frosting and put on a pretty face as we chew; there's no hiding the fact that we're still eating shit by the forkfull.

-Confucious

Fun with Photoshop

Sometimes working in Photoshop is as absorbing as playing an instrument, getting caught up in a daylong writing jag, or discovering an intriguing new Scotch. You are consumed by your activity, obvlivious to the time you are devoting and heedless of the energies you are expending. You work within a world of infinite possibility, charting out your own path in dark labyrinth unguided by anything but intuition. You finish, exhausted and somewhat sad that the journey is over, but much changed because of it.

Cherish these experiences, whatever they might be and whatever shape they might come in.

The Shakleford Connection

Tom DeLay aka Rusty Shakleford aka Dale Gribble

The similarities are too numerous to list and the conclusion that Tom Delay, Rusty Shakleford, and Dale Gribble are one in the same person.

With this comes the realization that not only have we elected Dale Gribble to office, but that he has been the Republican House Majority Leader since 2002 (present resignation due to indictment notwithstanding).

Don't believe it? Just read their bios (hyperlinked above).

Darwin Award Contender

College season is upon us again. I suppose it should come as no surprise to find this in my mailbox today, passed on from god knows where.

Quotes from Our Fearless Leader

"I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." –President Bush, on "Good Morning America," Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina.

"We've got a lot of rebuilding to do ... The good news is — and it's hard for some to see it now — that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house — he's lost his entire house — there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." (Laughter) —President Bush, touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005.

"Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." –President Bush, to FEMA director Michael Brown, while touring Hurricane-ravaged Mississippi, Sept. 2, 2005.

"What didn't go right?'" –President Bush, as quoted by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), after she urged him to fire FEMA Director Michael Brown "because of all that went wrong, of all that didn't go right" in the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.

"It's totally wiped out. ... It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground." –President Bush, turning to his aides while surveying Hurricane Katrina flood damage from Air Force One, Aug. 31, 2005.

"I believe the town where I used to come – from Houston, Texas, to enjoy myself, occasionally too much – will be that very same town, that it will be a better place to come to." –President Bush, on the tarmac at the New Orleans airport, Sept. 2, 2005.

--Quotes originally compiled on About.com.

Why I Like British News

I couldn’t help myself

I really couldn’t. People seemed to get so excited by this picture that I became hooked. The emails started coming in and let me tell you, they are addictive to read. Not wanting the fun to end, I went and posted the picture and the explanation (hammed up a little) on a very famous website. It was immediately accepted and well, the email started poring in. Some are outrightly hostile. Most are fun. A lot are just plane weird. See for yourself:

Hostile?

(no subject)
All I have to say is close the hall window and the closet or tie down whatever is blowing so it won't be detected as movement.
(signed)

>>My Response:
Hall window is painted shut (old house).
There is nothing hanging in the hallway, or on any of the walls upstairs for that matter (have lived here less than 4 weeks).
Unless the paint on the walls turns to fabric during the working hours, I can't imagine what could possibly be blowing.

Friendly

saw photo on coast to coast
Hi there.....interesting photo. The first thing I saw in the picture was HOMER SIMPSON!
Maybe I watch too much TV (or my husband does, cause he loves that show!)
But to me this image is the same color as Homer, and even has the beard color, and it looks like one large eye above the beard, and a slightly protruding stomach, although not as large.
What do you think?????

This is just my opinion, lol.

(signed)

Very interesting ghost picture
Michael,
Excellent picture. You may have just inspired me to try the same thing, though my house does not have nearly the history of yours. In your description you said you lived by a cemetary in Iowa City. It wouldn't happen to be Oakland Cemetary?

http://www.icgov.org/documents/oaklandhistory.pdf

Even if not, since you live in Iowa City, I'm sure you've heard of the Black Angel in Oakland. I made the obligitory visit when I was in college on a late fall rainy night. Pretty creepy. I touched the Black Angel and am still living 14 years later. Of course I was backed by some friends and a beer or two. I would be too spooked to try it today.
Good luck on your ghost hunting,
(signed)

ghost
Have you checked the past history of the house. It could be someone might have died in that room..That would have freaked me out.
(signed)

Your picture
Hi!
I viewed your picture on Coast to Coast Am. I just took it and viewed in Adobe PhotoShop 5.0. It's for sure a kid. It looks to be a girl, but could be a boy. I think I see short hair? The left arm looks like it's holding something?

I live in a haunted house, so I will look into purchasing this system. Thanks for explaining on what you used.

Great job!

(signed)

ghost photo
Hi,
I saw your ghost photo on the coast to coast site.
Very interesting. I have been doing some enhancement work with this image and was wondering if you might have a pic of the same shot without the apparation to compare?
Thanks,
(signed)

Webcam pic on Coast to Coast
Hi. I have just seen your brilliant webcam capture on the Coast to Coast website... I think it looks like an apparition too, have you thought about sending it to the guys at Ghoststudy.com? I most definitely would if I'd have captured a picture like yours on my webcam... what a brilliant capture!! I'm really envious!!

(signed)

apparition
Dear Person -
Holy Crap! You are more brave than I am. I have a wee fear of the unknown. Your webcam security system is brilliant by the way. Have you got an opinion of what that is, or are you trying to avoid premature conclusions? I think it is a silly leap of logic to assume what appear to be ghosts are necessarily dead people. Maybe some are and maybe not. I think "ghosts" are more likely to be a unknown curious life form - an animal - that may be just outwitting us. Humans aren't as smart as we wish we were. You outwitted this one it seems. Do you see anything on top of its head? Are there a pair of fuzzy antennae or horns there in your eyes? Whatever it is, the camera didn't imagine it, and it appears to be sneaking a peek in your office. I wonder what it is up to, and I sure do hope you figure it out. Good luck.
(signed)

Coast to Coast picture
Hello,
We saw your picture on Coast to Coast http://www.coasttocoastam.com/gen/page1078.html and we would like to post this on our website if it is okay with you. You would be given full credit, and it would appear exactly as it does on C2C. Please let us know asap.
Thank you,
(signed)
Will County Ghost Hunters Society
www.aghostpage.com

Coast to Coast photo
Michael,

I just wanted to say neat photo, whatever it is! There's so many images posted here that are obviously shadows, dust or lens flare, that it's pretty cool to see something that doesn't fall into any of those categories.
Your set-up sounds terrific. I'll bet the hair on the back of you neck really stood up when this email popped in! I love the automated motion sensor that emails you. Very clever.
I posted a hand shaped cloud on Coast to Coast a while back and I was astounded at the number of emails I received about it, and people's perceptions of it. I'll bet you've had more than a few comments about this one already. I look forward to the next installment, should your little "entity" decide to pose for you again!
Regards,
(signed)

Your ghost photo...
Hi Michael,

I would love to add your "ghost" photo and story
that is posted on the "Coast to Coast AM" website
to my new ghost website. May I post it to my site?
It's still under construction but I would love to have
your photo as the first photo I add to the "Photos"
section of my site. I've seen a few other photos
with similar looking phenomena and would like to
see if anyone might know what it could be.
http://spin-ghosthunters.com

Thank you and I would love to know if you ever
catch anything like this again with your web cam!

Best wishes,

(signed)

Ghost pic
Michael,

That ghost photo on C2C sure looks like the real thing. I do a lot of photo editing on Photoshop so I can usually spot a phony setup.
I am definitely looking forward to any more of shots of the ectoplasmic child.
Incidentally, yours was an excellent detailed narrative of the whole event.
(signed)

Regarding your ghost photo
Hello,
I found your photo extremely fascinating. When I first saw it I was actually scared because I have experienced a ghost that looks exactly like that. My sister and I actually saw it with our own eyes in our house! Talk about freaked out. I didn't see it completely but I saw it run, it was like a flash but it looked like the one in your picture.
The freakiest part about it was that I heard it's footsteps as it ran into my mothers dresser and disappeared! My sister experienced the same thing. She was watching our brother one night alone and he was napping on the couch, she turned her head because she heard something (what she thought was our brother who is 3 by the way) walking towards her. She saw it out of the corner of her eye and she actually asked it was was wrong thinking it was our brother.When she turned to look at what she thought was him it wasn't there. Your ghost looks exactly like it if we had seen it in full image. it had lite skin and lite hair just like your ghost and my brother. I just thought I'd share because I was
really freaked out by it. I haven't seen the ghost in a while thankfully!
Hopefully it doesn't come back now, LOL!

(signed)

Ummm?

Ghost Pic
Suggest you run a tape recorder in the area and see if you get any “EVPs” (ghost recordings)...

(signed)

(Check out http://ghostpix.com/)

charming pic of ghostie
Howdy! I like your unusual photo. The questions to follow are merely questions which other coast-to-coast-ers are going to ask.
1)Most movement detetectors use PIR (passive infra-red) If your camera uses this to trigger itself, does that mean that a ghost has a thermal signature? You might have to write to the mfg. to answer this one.
2) Could you draw a line on the door level with the top of the image's "head" and figure the parallax from the webcam's mounting point and come up with a good guess of the figure's height?
3) FYI it is very common for ghosts to omit their lower legs, feet, etc., ghosts of kids are really good at this, ask any parent....
4) The software controlling your camera....does it trigger the camera just ONCE if motion is detected, or would it snap another pic in 30 sec. or whatever, as long as motion continues?
have fun, my regards to your guest, (signed)

Peekaboo Ghost
I found your photo on the below web site, and viewed it using Adobe Photoshop Elements 2.0
I’m sorry to say but your photo HAS been altered. I can tell very easily, just by zooming in on the image.
http://www.coasttocoastam.com/gen/page1078.html
I’m not saying you did it, but IT has been altered. There are too many “pixilated” inconsistencies surrounding the just the “ghostly” image that are not found anywhere else in the photo. Secondly, why have the door to your bedroom shut if you wanted to catch someone breaking into the house. Wouldn’t you want to catch them walking by the entrance to the room and just inside your room?
re. your photo on "coast to coast"
Michael - My doorknobs are 3 feet off the floor, so the "ghost" appears to be 4 feet tall, a naked little girl ( with very short hair ) leaning out ( not missing legs ) . Just my observations and thoughts on the photo.
(signed)

your photo on c2c
Hello, my name is ________________, with Manitou Investigations of the Paranormal. I saw your photo on c2c (Ive had two featured myself, and I'm always checking there for some good captures) and your photo impressed me! The quality of the photo as well as the placement of the anomoly is quite interesting. Add the background of the house, more than likely 19th century (outhouse)- and I believe you have a 'gen-u-wine' ghost as they say.
I took the liberty of analyzing the photo and have attached my results. As you can see, in the contour photo, the anomoly seems to be reflecting onto the door, meaning the anomoly itself is a light souce. There seems to be light coming from under the door, and the energy of that light could have been used by the 'ghost' to manifest. Also, in the others, you can clearly make out a 'head of hair', and perhaps a face if you look hard enough (I hate saying I see faces, it's usually the brain trying to put the image there when truly there is no face). But the hair is quite evident, I would say a young male. To me, it seems like the profile of the male, just strolling by.
I would love to know if you've experienced anything strange, any type of activity? In most cases, when a house is old, it's bound to leave an energy behind, but this does not mean the house is 'haunted'. A 'ghost' is an imprint, like a tape being played; there's no sentient presence there. A spirit however, is another story- they are actually there, sentient, 'left-behinds'. I'm leaning towards ghost in your case, but further investigating would of course be needed to say for certain.
There are things you can do, to further capture anomolies and investigate the matter yourself, if you were so inclined. Such as trying to get some EVP's, using flour, IR film, IR temp readings, EMF detectors, compasses, trigger objects, etc. If you'd like to know more about how to go about that, feel free to respond and I'll tell you all you need to do.
Again, I was very impressed with your photo, good capture! Hopefully you'll get some more. :-)

(signed)
Founder, Manitou Investigations of the Paranormal
(note: author attached 7 very interesting and likely time-consuming manipulations of the original photo.)

>>My Response
Wow, Thanks!

You obviously put a lot of time into this. I hope it's something you enjoy doing.

First off...let me just say, I have no idea what this is.

I see you are a paranormal investigator. What exactly does that mean? Do you remove ghosts and or spirits? (forgive my lack of knowledge) But are you like the Orkin man for the inexplicable? If so, what is your fee structure like and what services do you provide?

This pictures are fascinating. Thank you so much for sending them along.

As for IR fobbins and ER mahickeys, I'm afraid I wouldn't know the front end from the back end. I'm inept with anything more complex that an ATX motherboard.

-Michael

Webcam photo
Michael:
Hey, ____________ here. I am a certified paranormal investigator from Ghost Haunters (www.ghosthaunters.com). Loved the shot you got with your new web cam. All I can say is: I wish it was my shot! LOL. I really think you captured the energy of a little girl. Please keep shooting and sharing. Please feel free to send any pictures on to me, either at this address or my home address which is (address).
Again, awesome shot. I think if I got one like that, I might retire!!!
Have a spooky day.
(signed)

>>My Response
How would a shot like this allow you to retire? Do you think it's a ghost?
-Michael

little ghost
Dear Michael,
I have seen many photos that people think may be of ghosts. Sometimes I agree, many many times I do not. However, YOUR photo caught my eye. I am a spiritual sensitive. I spend much of my day communicating with the spirit world, as well as the physical world. Without even thinking about it, I immediately thought, "Oh, who is the little child?". If you have any questions about the spirit world, I would be happy to assist you via e-mail.
Peace and Light,
(signed)
www.drbrucegoldberg.com
Click on "Pleiadian Energy Healing" on the homepage.

>>My Response
Hi ___________,

Thanks for your kind words.
In fact, I have lots of questions about the spirit world. I don't even know where to begin. In fact, I'm a little embarassed, as I know nothing about it and my questions would probably be so droll you'd quickly grow fatigued by them.
But I'll start with a couple, and if you have the time, you can answer:
Where is it? Can I touch it? Does it have a taste? A smell? A sound? Do we live in more than one realm? Are we ghosts to the spirit realm? Is a mirror a portal to someplace else?
It's all so vexing!
Thanks for taking the time to write. It's so fascinating!
-Michael

Peekaboo Ghost!
Lens flare???! No way! (This is my 'ghost' stationery! :0) (Note: Author sent this to me in white font on white background.)
What a cool idea and I love your great ghost photo too! It IS a creative way of providing security - this is something I should have thought of myself! And NO! Do not leave! ha! Ooh, now try and grab an EVP and maybe George will have you on the show!
I think this little ghost is one of an seven or eight-year old girl - I see an antique, cream-colored, sack-like dress of the 1920's, and you're right, they never seem to have any legs! Any earlier in time and the dress would have been a bit longer, judging by the length of her torso; her dress is around what would have been her knees in my estimation.
She seems to have (had) blond hair with bangs which are parted in the middle with the rest tied back or in a braid, a common style for the time period. I see her right arm as being down at her side and her left elbow is bent with her left hand up around the base of her throat. She looks as though she is shy... but aware and curious about the 'new' equipment!
Also, the eerie thing to me is, though her head seems to be tilted to her right, it doesn't seem to be on its axis, if you know what I mean -- sort of off center and separated from her neck - maybe she just couldn't put herself together electro-magnetically!
I wonder if the reason her hand is up near her throat (or collar bone) and her head being somewhat off kilter, is because this is somehow related to how she passed away- like maybe she died of diphtheria, (high fever and difficulty breathing) which was a common cause of death of the young in those days, or maybe pertussis,(like whooping cough) since those are really old diseases!
Anyway, YES! Please send any further captures of the little girl ghost whenever you get them to C2C for all to see!
This makes ME want to get a Webcam now! ha! I didn't know it was so available - I also live in a two-story rented older home - Well, a duplex but it is like a house and was built in around 1930. There MUST be a ghost around here somewhere, huh? I live out in California but I'm sure 'they' don't mind!

Thanks for the cool story and photos!
Good Webcamming!

(signed)
:o)

ghost
I would never sleep in a room with a ghost or someone died in it..My bet is suicide is part of this story....The ghost looks like a male...there may be more..than one...keep me updated.I seen my first ghost when I was thirteen.. I have had all kinds of psychic experiences since then....I can hear that sad and mysterious x-files music....
(signed)

>>My Response
Whoa! I didn't even know I had a ghost. Now everyone's telling me I have a ghost. (Aside from the person who said I had Homer Simpson). Now you come in and tell me it's a suicidal ghost?
Cripes. If it's a suicidal ghost, I doubt I'll be able to get it to chip in on the rent.

-Michael

ghost cam on Coast to Coast
My name is ____ and I live south of you.
I am one of the investigators for the Iowa Center For Paranomal Research and I live in Washington and commute to Iowa City to work almost everyday.
I saw the picture that you submitted to the Coast to Coast site when i browsed it today. Interesting to say the least. If you would allow us to visit your residence, we would love to do so. We are very discrete and would keep everything private and protect your name.
We have a lot of experience in these matters (believe me-no one is an expert) and maybe we can do an investigation if you will permit. It consists of setting up cameras (some infrared) and tape recorders to see if we can capture anything on them. Also if you go to the county recorders office you might be able to look back and see who owned the residence that you live in. The cemetary might have something to do with it but usally spirits don't do a lot of roaming. They generally stick close to what they are familiar with (before death). Please let us know what you decide and if nothing else, if you have any questions feel free to ask me and i will do the best I can to answer them.
(signed)

Ghost Photo
Hi Michael,
Thanks very much for sending that over. I have enclosed an animated gif that I made from the two photos. From what I can tell, this thing leaves a shadow on the door. It also appears solid enough to block out the black spot that is on the door. I know this is supposed to be a ghost photo, but to me it looks like a grey alien. It appears solid and the lighting is definetly affected by it being there. Have you considered the alien hypothesis?

I have some more enhancements that I can send if you want to see them.
Thanks again for sending the "blank" photo it helps out a lot.
(signed)

>>My Response
Alien hypothosis? Can you explain this to me? Hopefully it doesn’t mean I’ll have to get probed.

-Michael

Ghosts?

Most of you know that I recently moved in to a new house. I don’t know much about it’s history, other than what my landlords tell me. …that is, they suspect the house was built in 1900. It’s obviously an old place. The bathroom was added as an addition sometime after the original house was built.

At any rate, it’s a great place. But it turns out, we may be paying rent for an extra “person.”

Over the weekend I went to Best Buy to spend the gift certificate I was given by my employer as a birthday present. For some time I’d been hoping to set up a security system at the house with a webcam and some cheap software. I managed to make it all work over the weekend, and dutifully turned it on this morning before I left for the office.

The way it works is this: the software instructs the camera to take a picture every time motion is detected. In addition to being stored on the local hard drive, these pictures are immediately emailed to me and uploaded to a remote (and hopefully secure server).

Imagine my surprise when this picture arrived in my mailbox this morning:

Some of my friends at work insist that it’s a ghost. Others aren’t quite sure what to make of it. I have no explanation other than it’s not lens flare. Who knows, maybe the house is haunted?

Good News, Guys!!!

In the words of the estimable O'Mara, "If this is true, I can smoke all I want."

SHIFT_marketing

Can’t just buy a care anymore. Noooosireee… You have to buy a lifestyle. Driving a 10y/o VW (Hitler’s Revenge) that, while fun to drive, hardly could be deemed a paragon of reliability. It was with that car that one day I found myself rather predictably, though unexpectedly, in the immediate position to buy a new car. Vroom vroom…off to the dealer’s I went.

My first choice was another VW, this time a Turbo Diesel. But the dealer proved to be less than accommodating, asking for $100 just for the privilege of negotiating up from dealer invoice. If driving a car is buying into a lifestyle, this was a far cry from the happy-yuppie lifestyle espoused by the VW brand identity in their commercials. Not wanting to take a good rodgering up the kiester from them, I wandered next door to the Nissan dealership.

They proved much more accommodating. When I left, I had an XTerra. I thought I bought a fairly decent 4x4. In fact, that’s what all the research I’d done beforehand suggested. But today I got something in the mail that told me something quite different. I didn’t, you see, just buy a car… Rather my purchase identified me as an apostle of the “SHIFT_philosophy.” Oh dear.

This news came to me courtesy of the US Mail. It was a little booklet filled with the history of the “SHIFT_philosophy” and what I can do to not just partake of the “SHIFT_philosophy” but to be an agent of change for the rest of the world. If this proves to be beyond my abilities, I am expected to at the very least evangelize this philosophy/brand everywhere I go. Shifty indeed.

From decals that they encouraged me to plaster on my vehicle (“Put the X badge on your window to show your dedication to the Xterra lifestyle,” they say), to invitations to shop at various brand authorized websites for purchasing Nissan related merchandise (called “SHIFT_gear”)…all geared towards promoting a brand and a lifestyle. Who knew?

It’s actually quite interesting to deconstruct. Literally the messaging is the idea. Read transparently, it reads “Shift underscore philosophy.” Shift what? Shift the perception to underscore the philosophy (which they will create for us), perhaps? Shift underscore the gear, mayhap? I can imagine the marketing types, sitting around a smoke filled ideation room, throwing ideas out. None of them seem terribly inspired. At last, one of the group, is struck by a mediocre bolt of inspiration (or a bolt of mediocre inspiration, I’m not quite sure how it works). He stands on the table and begins to speak, even as the idea is taking shape. “Come on people, these ideas are lame. We need to shift gears. Yes, we need to shift gears. And other things. We need a paradigm shift for the sheeple, err, consumers.” He pauses, his team is rapt with attention. They assume he's focusing his thoughts. They've seen him do this a million times. In reality, he's trying to decide whether his next bonus will be enough for him to buy that yellow 911 Porsche he's had his eye on. He mulls it over, quietly, tries to focus again on his original idea, and begins to speak.

“We are selling a philosophy!” he begins anew, fresh with newfound fervor. “And how are we going to underscore that?” he asks, with all the rhetoric of a Baptist preacher. His peers on the edge of their seats, awaiting revelation. “The underscore!” As if to punctuate his point, he points upwards with his right hand towards an invisible underscore only he and now his colleagues can see. “We’ll underscore everything that can turn a buck.”

“Amen!” rejoin his acolytes, in unison; sharing a vision.

“Because were not just selling cars,” he continued. “We’re selling lifestyle.” The impact of his statement settles in, and perhaps as an afterthought, “And philosophy!”

His words settle over the room like smoke. Somewhere a bit of overstuffed leather upholstery creaks, as if settling under the weight of this revelation.

“And merchandise!” chimes in one of the juniors, enthusiastically.

“Yes,” proclaims our hero. “And merchandise.”

CODA

Be sure to buy your genuine Nissan Poker Set at http://nissanshiftgear.com. In case the first time wasn’t enough, this exciting new product allows you to relive the experience of getting screwed by the dealer again!

Virtual Walkthrough of the New House

So I’m all moved in to the new place. My room mate Ange is in as well, as is “Kitty” the cat. So far the place seems nice. I have a couple of qualms about it. For one thing, the upstairs gets HOT AS HELL. Yes, even with the AC on. But hey, it’s a 100 year old house and it’s still standing. Another thing is that the kitchen window is broken and the landlord hasn't fixed it yet.

Virtual Walkthrough
So here are some crappy videos from the house. These are taken with my crappy cell phone, so deal with it. Also, you’ll need either QuickTime or VideoLan to see them. I only provide a link to VideoLan because it’s cooler, and by cooler I mean free and cross platform software released under the GPL. You can’t install QuickTime without installing iTunes. What’s up with that?

At any rate, here you go:

Front of House

All the cars in the driveway are from Ange's family who were kind enough to help her move in. Notice the chipping paint, the precarious way the mailbox is affixed to the house, and the general condition of the structure? I call that character.

Back of House

Starting with a fantastic shot of the parched grass, the scene pans upwards revealing the back porch, and back facade of the house. See the second floor? That's where it gets HOT!

Back Room

This shot is of the back room of the house. This will be used as the livingroom. From this room one can enter the kitchen or the far room (bedroom, hot chicks room, whatever you want to call it).

Far Room

This is a room without a purpose right now. Originally it was going to be Ange's room, but she preferred the insufferable heat of one of the upstairs rooms. Actually, I can't blame her. Though MUCH cooler on this level, it might not be fun to have a room right off the livingroom...especially if there are shennanigins going on in the livingroom.

Kitchen

Hang a right off the livingroom and you wind up in the kitchen, or more appropriately, the culinary studio...for this is where all the masterpieces of delectation are created. From the kitchen, one can enter the bathroom, the basement stairwell, or the foyer.

Bathroom

Here's the bathroom! And what a glorious bathroom it is. Originally added as an addition to the house sometime after the original building was constructed in 1900. This has all the modern conveniences of the contemporary bathroom: towel warmers, bidet, shower/tub, shitter, sinks, jacuzzi, heated floors, etc. (Note: I'm lying about the towel warmers, bidet, jacuzzi, heated floors, and especially the "etc".)

Foyer

How ironic that the most beautiful room in the house is the one we will probably use least. Except for coming and going, nobody has much reason to hang out in the foyer. Still, the diagonally laid hardwood floors are nice. There's a beveled glass window in the stairwell. All in all, this is probably the nicest room in the house.

Stairwell and Upstairs Hall

From the foyer, one can take a few steps up and arrive in the upper level of the house, or as we like to affectionately call it, the "upstairs." One has an interesting sensation when walking up the stairs, as it gets warmer in layers. I've identified the thermal layers in ascending order from coolest to warmest as:

1. Cool like first floor
2. Getting warmer
3. I should have worn boxers
4. Fuckin' hot
5. Our A/C must be decorative
   
6. I need a nap
   

Off the upstairs hallway is the office, Ange's bedroom, and my bedroom.

The Office

This is the office. This is where all the work gets done. And by work I mean surfing for midget porn and mindlessly clicking through thoughless websites like this one.

Ange's Room

This is Ange's room. It shares a wall with the office and is across the hall from my room. She hadn't moved in yet, so I hope she doesn't mind me showing it to the world!

My Room

Yay! Here it is! My room! This is actually the biggest room in the house (thanks Ange!). Though it gets a tad toasty, it's nice to have such spaceous digs. It has two ginormous closets (one at each end). Currently it also has an ass-bucket chair and an inflatable bed. I call the decorative motif faux ghetto.

Basement Stairs

Imagine the video of my room ended with the cameraman walking down the stairs through the foyer and into the kitchen. It is thair that one can access the stairway to Mordor...errr, the basement.

The Basement

(Que the mystery-music.) Well here it is, the basement. There's not much to say about it. The floor is concrete decorated with fly corpses. There's a door at each end, one of which is completely sealed off...the other is not. There's a couple of rooms down here that we don't go in. I think it's where the C.H.U.D.S. live. Otherwise it's home to a fine washing machine, dryer, and auxilliary shitter.

Front Porch

Last but not least is the front porch. It needs a good sweeping, and currently holds a couple of trash cans. When I took possession of the house, it also held: 2 50lb sandbags, a box spring, a matress, a dresser, a couple of crack whores, and a naked midget. Fortunately the landlord returned later that day and removed everything but the midget.

Support THIS Faith-Based Curriculum

One of the best and most reasonable stories of creation I've come across. I'd consider it a sign of hope for America if we could get equal time for teaching this in Kansas schools along with Intelligent Design and the Theory of Evolution.

The thought of the very prospect fills me with an inner glow rivalled only by that which results from being touched by his noodly appendage.

The Dying Car Orchestra

I just finished perhaps the most stressful Friday in memory (the fact that so many of my college-era Friday's are mostly blackouts notwithstanding).

My car, you see, has been slowly falling apart this last year. While the engine has been hearty, everything else was being held together by (I'm convinced) the prayers I'd been offering up regularly to the automotive gods. Sometime last week, I angered those gods and they smote my car. Not all at once, mind you. This was a good old fashioned drawn-out and lengthy smiting.

It started with a grinding noise when I turned my steering wheel on Wednesday morning. By Wed. evening it had matured to a grinding and a barely audible whine. On Thursday morning the treble whine on the left side was trying to harmonize with a baritone moan on the right side. I called my bank and they approved me for a car loan at the best rate I could find...and promised to Fed Ex a blank check to me on Friday.

On the ride into work on Friday morning, a contrapuntal rhythm section began to warm up somewhere under my hood, and together with the high-pitched whining and the low undulating moaning, my car was a veritable orchestra of woe. I was the conductor of this hellish cacophony, modulating the melody and tempo with precise fluctuations of the gas pedal and flamboyant jogs of the steering wheel. I cruised into the parking lot at work and coasted into a parking space, unsure of whether the car would ever move another inch. Fortunately I knew that my financing check was coming by Fed Ex in a few hours and I'd be able to buy a car that afternoon.

Well, when I got around to checking the Fed Ex tracking information, to my horror I saw the message "Delivery failed, business closed or resident not home." Irate, I called Fed Ex and exclaimed that our business was open all day and demanded that the driver return here post haste. When they verified the address I found out that the sender had shipped my financing to my HOME address rather than my WORK address. My fury turned to pleading in the blink of an eye, and after first insisting that only the sender could change a delivery address, they told me that they'll send a message to the driver to redeliver to the business address if s/he was still in the area. If s/he was, I would get the package within 45 minutes. This was at 11:00 am.

By 2:30 I had come to terms with a few things: 1) that I was not going to get my Fed Ex check and 2) that I would be walking home. Oh well, such is life. I was just bummed because that meant I'd be without wheels for the holiday weekend and I'd have much less of a chance to negotiate at the beginning of the month than I would at the end of the month.

On a whim I called the local Nissan dealer to see if they had any of the vehicles I wanted in stock. Come on down! He said. We've got one just like what you want!" (I should add that I'd been doing my vehicle research for the past month and have known what I wanted to replace my car with if for a couple weeks).

I told the dealer that I was waiting for my finance check to arrive...but it might not come today. He told me to come down anyways and see if they can't beat the finance rate I was offered.

So I hopped into my car one last time and drove up Highway 6. My god. If you could have heard that car you would swear it had become sentient and capable of feeling pain. Lots of pain. It was loud. It was scary. It was not melodious. It was the sound of rending metal.

The dealer I was driving to has building for VW, a another couple buildings, and then at the far end of the lot, a building for Nissan. There were a lot of customers milling about (something about the long weekend makes people want to buy cars I guess). Well, as I drove into the lot all heads were turned in my direction to see what the racket was. I made sure to park right in front of the VW dealer, locked my car (for show), and walked over to the Nissan building.

I introduced myself to the salesman I spoke with on the phone, who quickly asked me if I'd move my car. "That depends on whether or not we can come to an agreement on price." I kept my keys in my pocket, and he pulled me in to the office.

"You know," he said, "if you don't move that we'll have it towed." I told him that I was more than happy to let all the VW shoppers watch a VW get towed from right in front of the VW showroom.

Well, to make a loooooooooooooooooong story short. I got the price I wanted ($$$ over dealer invoice) before he got the keys to my VW. As soon as he had them, he had it moved out behind the building and out of view.

I'd like to say I made it out of there with everything I wanted at the price I wanted, but alas, they got the keys before we had agreed on a price for an extended warranty. I can't feel too bad though, as I got to drive home the proud owner of a brand new car payment.

Best Buy Bullshit?

Last night I had the experience of shopping for a PC at Best Buy. I know, I know… but I had no other alternatives (time was of the essence, and I needed something pronto). The eMachines T6212 looked OK for a disposable computer, and the BB website showed it in stock at my local store. So I pack myself into Hitler’s Revenge and mosey on over to the local Best Buy.

I know what I want. I want the PC, and since they had a nice sale on compatible RAM for my particular model, I decided to increase the RAM to 2GB (total cost for this was less than $150). The sales monkey asks me if I want them to install the RAM for me. Since I know they are going to check it for DOA anyways, I figure I’ll let them slap in the RAM while they are at it. “Sure,” I say, figuring that probably saved me a few minutes.

So I’m standing in line there with my credit card in hand watching the sales monkey type in all the SKUs so we can complete the transaction. Suddenly I see a couple entries for $29.00 appear. “Hey,” I interject. “What are those for?”

“Oh,” he said, “That’s the installation cost for the RAM. I was flabbergasted. “You actually charge to install RAM?”

“Yeah. But I’m only charging you for two of them,” he said, as if he were doing me a favor.

“But $29.00 each?”

“Yeah, that’s what it costs. But Phil said to only charge you for two of them.”

“Doesn’t that seem a little expensive to you?”

“Well you know, if you install it yourself, you void the warranty.”

I had never heard this before. Granted, I’ve never read the Terms and Conditions or Warranty that comes with RAM I’ve purchased in the past. But still, $29.00 for something that takes a couple seconds to do seems rather excessive. “So, tell me,” I asked my salesman, “Have you ever paid $29.00 to have RAM installed?”

“I’ve had them install RAM before. It voids the warranty if you do it yourself.”

“But have you ever PAID $29 to have someone install RAM?”

He understood what I was getting at, and answered evasively. “I’ve had them install RAM before. It voids the warranty if you do it yourself.”

In general, I notice that when it comes to computers, Best Buy relies heavily on fear as a motivator for getting people to buy all sorts of things. But this particular attempt was new to me (granted, I try not to shop there…so my exposure is limited.)

So can anyone confirm that your RAM warranty will be deemed void if you install it yourself? I’ve never heard of such a thing before. I’ve installed RAM a number of times, and have never run into a problem. I just want to find out if this is legitimate or just another case of Best Buy reps saying anything to pad a sale.

21 Things I Learned About Russian Culture

1. They really like Scotch
2. By virtue of me being of Irish descent, I am considered a Scotch expert.
3. They have no qualms about borrowing the boss' car to go on a liquor run.
4. They have no qualms about drinking at the office.
5. A proper night of drinking cannot be properly started with fewer than three bottles of Scotch on deck.
6. At 1 bottle, they loosen up.
7. At 2 bottles, they enjoy my company.
8. At 2.5 bottles the Siberian Russians start to talk about their belief in Jesus Christ as a historical figure and the son of God.
9. At 2.5 bottles the Russian Jews start to tell the Christian Russians to "shut the hell up."
10. At 2.75 bottles the dancing begins.
11. At 2.75 bottles none of the office furniture is left standing, except for that which is currently being sat in or otherwise occupied/used by Russians.
12. At 3 bottles, 2 more bottles magically appear.
13. At 4 bottles, people's shirts start getting ripped off by Siberian Russians.
14. At 4 bottles, the ex-army Russians show up at the behest of the engineering manager to "spot" the shirt-ripping dancing and wrestling Siberian God-fearing Russians.
15. At 4 bottles most of the Russians are on the floor, or in the process of falling to the floor. I am considered a guru, a sage, and a role-model for not falling to the floor.
16. At 4 bottles, I am told that for my own safety, I must leave the office lest I get hurt. I take the advice. Before I can leave, I am given the fifth bottle to take with me, lest THEY get hurt.
17. The next day, the boss comes early to the office to clean up after the Russians.
18. The boss is not allowed to ask "What went on last night?"
19. Amongst the Russians, everything after (and including) 2.5 bottles is not spoken of or is conveniently forgotten.
20. Anyone who shows up for work the next day, is a hero worthy of a parade.
21. Anyone who can think of a suitable excuse that will explain to their wives/girlfriends the ripped shirts and bruises is a hero for the cause. (Apparently, this is a perpetual quest.)

War, Currency Exchange, and A Framework for Understading Weak Dollar Policy

The Coming World War

Much has been written about the fall of the US Dollar against the Euro, and most of it myopic. I propose a new framework for looking at the currency crash, one that just might surprise you.

In short, Europe and the US are at war. However, in this war no shots are fired…though the outcome may be just as disastrous for the loser, the spoils just as magnificent for the victors. If there is no decisive winner of the economic war, physical warfare is sure to follow.

Sound like conspiracy pablum? Let’s step back a little bit and look at the situation.

Motivation

First we have to understand that there is a theory that accounts for the way nations act, and why they present and act on the policies they do. Policy is not a random reaction to spontaneous events. . .but rather a carefully planned and executed program where by each country advances an agenda that reflects their own national self interest.

The first step in understanding US Dollar policy is to understand this concept of national self interest: countries act in ways that advance their self interest. Once we accept this, we have a useful lens through which we can examine the current state of the US Dollar, Sino-American relations, and recent programs promulgated by the European Union.

A Weak US Dollar, A Strong Euro

We have witnessed in recent history the precipitous fall of the US Dollar against the Euro. Administration officials hardly bat an eye in regards to this, and some even speculate that Bush supports a weak US Dollar policy. If we presume that there is a rational and intelligent reason for this, we must try to figure out what that reason might be? As our premise for analysis, we must assume two things: 1) That the administration is able to exert some level of control over the value of the US Dollar and 2) That American policy reflects US national self interest.

While not absolute, countries are able to exert influence on currency valuations. In the past, US policy has been to support a strong US Dollar. This is obviously changing. The real question is, Is it changing due strictly based on free market evaluation or is there a policy that is informing and in fact, supporting cheap US Dollars? If so, why?

A US Dollar that is weak against the Euro makes it more expensive to travel to Europe, of course. But, beyond that, what are the ramifications? Primarily, European imports become less competitive compared to domestically manufactured products. When the US Dollar is strong against the Euro, American products are less competitive. By having a weak US Dollar, we can export more, and the result is that US manufacturing can compete more readily. Over the long term, a weak US Dollar will help spur a resurgence in US manufacturing (an industry that many analysts lament we have all but lost over the last several decades).

As a result, the ramifications of a weak US Dollar are this: American made products are cheaper to sell abroad, the cost of importing European made products increases (over the long run, this leads to direct investment by foreign companies in manufacturing facilities in the US…kind of like the inverse of what we’ve been seeing happen to American jobs over the last decades). The down side is that the relative cost of raw materials may increase…but fortunately, the US has the ability to produce much of its raw materials internally or from underdeveloped nations that have weaker economies still.

The China Connection

Any discussion of the ramifications of US dollar policy, especially when related to the Euro, is lacking if it does not address China. For the past few years, the Chinese currency, the Yuan, has been artificially tied by the Chinese government to the US Dollar. This has had the effect of stabilizing their currency as their country goes through a revolution in manufacturing and industry. When a country is growing like China is, they need a stable currency to keep their development on track and moving in the right direction. In short, China cannot afford an unstable currency. If the Yuan rises too fast, they can’t export. If it falls too fast, they can’t import or make money.

Because China has pegged the Yuan to the US Dollar, it has enjoyed many years of stable currency exchange, allowing them an artificial buffer against the natural market fluctuations of a new and explosively growing economy. But, China has been grumbling of late about the fall of the US Dollar. Recently, they have suggested that they will float their currency on the free market instead of keeping it tied to the Benjamins. What would the impact of this be?

Well, the Yuan would do an Enron. The moment the Yuan floats, it will skyrocket up. Everyone will want to buy them. But, a rising Yuan like a rising US Dollar will mean that Chinese exports are less competitive and more expensive to buy for import nations. By decoupling the Yuan from the US Dollar, China will be hindering its own ability to provide cheap export goods for the world market.

Once the impact of this comes to light, the Yuan will then crash. Either case is good for the US economy. A high Yuan, like a high Euro, stimulates US manufacturing and exports as our products become comparatively cheaper for these countries to import. A high Yuan means that suddenly it is cost effective for Chinese to buy and import US manufactured goods instead of buying domestically manufactured goods. The result of an outrageously high Yuan would be that once the world recognizes the impact on their export potential, the Chinese Yuan will fall through the floor. Currency traders, those ever fretful sheep of the open market pasture, won’t be able to get rid of the Yuan fast enough. They’ll all try to cash in at the same time, when the Yuan is high…and the end result of so many people getting rid of the Yuan will cause it’s value to fall to the floor. …hence, the Enron scenario.

One alternative recently discussed in the media is the possibility that China will uncouple the Yuan from the US Dollar and immediately couple it to the price of the Euro. However, this is not a safe bet for China…as every day the Euro is becoming more and more valuable…again, making it more and more difficult to compete against goods produced in countries with cheaper currencies.

So, China is faced with an uncomfortable prospect of deciding between three courses of action: 1) Floating their currency on the open market (and watching the Enron scenario unfold) 2) Coupling the Yuan to the Euro and watching their export economy wither. 3) Maintaining the status quo and enjoying the benefits of favorable export economics to European markets.

Plowshares or Swords?

Sadly, the natural state of mankind is not peace. While most people assume that the world has enjoyed a half a century of peace, this is far from the case. The years since WWII have been some of the most bloody and tumultuous times in history.

With the advent of the European Union, we see for the first time the potential of a wholly unified Europe not dreamed of since Hitler. In and of itself, a unified Europe is not necessarily a frightening prospect. However, we cannot simply assume that the EU is harmless and beneficent. In fact, if we step back and look at some of the programs that the EU is promoting, we begin to wonder if they are not building the foundations of a wartime manufacturing infrastructure.

The Airbus initiative is one prime example of this. Here we see large member states of the EU dumping vast amounts of money and subsidies (which is verboten according to free trade policies) into a joint development plan for an airplane manufacturing industry. The ostensible reason is that it creates jobs for European member states. This, of course, cannot be argued. But it is hard to believe that for the same level of investment they could not create more jobs than those created by the Airbus initiative. Why then airplanes?

Well, in short, it is in EU “National” self interest to have in place the capability to manufacture advanced military aircraft. This is something that has been impossible for Europe until the advent of Airbus. In fact, this is essential for Europe if they are preparing for the possibility of military conflict with the United States. Without the ability engage the enemy in the skies, no country can win a large scale modern military conflict. Therefore, it is important for the EU for military reasons to have a sustainable aircraft industry completely within their member states…only if they see the US (the current supplier and leader of air superiority technology) as a potential adversary or threat.

Wishing Upon the Stars

In addition to large state investments and support of a private aircraft industry, the last few years has revealed one other unusual program that cannot be explained rationally unless one considers the prospect of war with the US. This is, of course, Europe’s insistence on developing and deploying a competitor to the US Global Positioning Satellite System. The European system is called Galileo and for the cost of several billion Euros will provide the world with essentially the same service that is currently available for free through the GPS system. The only rational reason why Europe would need their own GPS is if they need expect that they will not have access to GPS in the future. And the only reason for that would, of course, be war with the US.

Side benefits of deploying Galileo include growing expertise in satellite systems. This is essential when considering a large scale conflict with other modern nation states. Control of space is for tomorrow is what control of the air is today, and the importance of air superiority today is as important as necessity of naval superiority of yesterday. In short, any country that cannot produce platforms for the air is not a contender in today’s battlefield. The same will hold true tomorrow for space based capabilities.

Airbus and Galileo are two readily apparent examples that suggest that the EU is developing the infrastructure necessary to support a war against a modern nation state. While arguments can be made that these are perfectly peaceful and justified programs, we kid ourselves if we do not at least acknowledge that they are very much dual-purpose industries. Today’s airliner is tomorrows military cargo transport.

Back to the Benjamins

If we look at all of this in the context of the relative value of the US Dollar one begins to wonder if we aren’t already at war with Europe… whether 50 years in the future historians will look at the currency fluctuations as the opening salvos of WWIII… Some speculate that what we are seeing actual war…market war…being fought on several fronts at the same time. The US is betting the economy…driving the US Dollar down in a race to see whose economy implodes first: Europe’s or our own. If the European economy collapses before ours does, we can guarantee that the investments in European military manufacturing and industrial capability comes to a stop. Airbus would succeed or fail on its own merits. The Galileo system will never be built. US remains the dominant world hyperpower.

At the same time that the European economy implodes, the Chinese economy explodes then collapses…causing severe harm to their GDP and increasing popular dissent with the regime.

As these scenarios play out, the scope of the disaster is exacerbated by the enormous selling of euros and Yuans in exchange for US Dollars…making the fall of the US Dollar a glider descent by comparison to what those two currencies will experience.

Review

To review, we cannot look at currency fluctuations in a vacuum. They are related to other programs undertaken by nation states to support their national self interest. If we look at US dollar valuation as related to US self interest, we begin to understand that a weak US Dollar will help to crush the EU while severely destabilizing the Yuan.

Sunday Funnies

Sunday Links Collection:

• The boy who wanted his labia pierced.

Everyman Identification in the Political Arena

George W. Bush's purported mandate from the nation represents not the overwhelming will of the people, but rather serves as an example of how far one can go if the message is a rejection of intellectualism.

This is, in itself, ironic. Judging by degrees, GW (itself a folksy, anti-erudite nickname fashioned to be familiar)is himself an educated man. His cabinet is populated by smart, intelligent people. Yet the image he portrays is not that of the well educated, intelligent person he undoubtedly should be. Rather, our commander in chief has realized the vast potential of the Everyman.

By its nature, the Everyman conceit is constructed to appeal to the widest audience possible. The goal is not for the Everyman to be attractive to most people...rather it is a vehicle for which the common folk can identify with the subject...in this case, George W. Bush himself.

George W is not an idiot. There, I've said it. It wasn't easy to do...but, it's out there...and it's important to acknowledge (even if it's not true) so that we can understand the distasteful genius behind the construction of his popular appeal.

If we allow for a moment the possibility that GW's rhetorical gaffes, his go-it-alone attitude, his near death experience with a pretzel, and yes even the mysterious glob of spittle were not the result of happenstance, but were themselves carefully choreographed and designed to allow the Everyman to say, deep down, "My god, I remember the last time I had to speak in public...I did the same thing!" or "I remember that time I almost asphyxiated on a Twinkie...", "That reminds me of the time I walked around for 4 hours with a booger on my moustache." The trick Bush performs is not inspiring people to be proud of him; but rather to get people to identify some of the most uncomfortable and embarrassing moments in their experience with GW. When folk see that GW does these same things but is still a success, they are given a little ray of hope in their lives.

The trick to politics is, after all, not what you are; but what people think you are. If people think that George is "one of us" they want to vote for him. They can't help themselves. There is something irresistibly adorable about his vacant eyes, his munchkin stature, and his weaknesses. As such, George Bush is not only the Everyman, but the anti-hero. The regular guy who, faults and all, finally gets his chance and shows the world how much your average schmoe can do if they stop playing the game according to the rules of Washington.

The Campaign
The biggest threat to GW was not John Kerry. It was the other anti-hero...the other Everyman: Howard Dean. Howard had the best chance of winning the election because he was the only serious threat to Bush's everyman approach. People liked Dean because he also represented the ordinary schmoe we all feel we are on some deep psychological level. But Dean lost his chance in mere seconds when he violated the Primary Rule of Everyman Identification: Never, Ever, Ever Say or Do Anything That Makes You Look Like a Maniac.

It's a simple rule, really. But the ease with which Dean violated it makes one wonder if Dean's image was choreographed or the result of sheer luck. People don't like maniacs. We don't want to relate to them. And we especially don't like it when the person we identify with provides a sound-clip that taken out of context and played repeatedly on every media outlet available provides an invitation for speculation about his rationality. Put simply, when given a choice between two anti-hero Everymen, people will identify with sane but stupid over possibly mad but likeable every time.

This is unfortunate, perhaps. After all, on a deeper level, can't we all identify with Howard's scream? Haven't we all said something and then realized, all too late, that it sounded completely unlike what we had intended? Haven't we all had people quizzically look at us after we've said or done something, and the expression on the onlooker's face plainly reads "You must be mad." The sad truth is we all probably can point to such an experience at some point in each of our lives; but that experience is so discomforting that we naturally want to distance ourselves from anything remotely connected with it. And so, in the instant it took for Howard to violate the Primary Rule of Everyman Identification with the Dean Scream, the democrats lost all hope of posing a real challenge to Bush. In that instant Rove must have jumped for joy, must have pulled the strings that made Bush do a little dance, could possibly feel people turning away in droves from the Democratic Everyman candidate. After all, the Democrats had serious Everyman left. What were they going to do, run John Kerry?

I don't dislike John Kerry. In fact, I kind of identify with him too. It's just that the moments that make me identify with Kerry don't offer a message of validation. I've struggled to convey complex ideas simply for an audience and failed. I've been dismissed as too intellectual. I've spoken at length about topics...examining with all the rhetorical skill at my disposal and despite my suspicion that Cicero himself was applauding me, I've seen the vacuous stares of my audience looking back at me from a distance greater than the inches or feet that separated us, but from the distance measured by dis-identification (the process by which an audience might not know who they identify with, but they sure as hell know it isn't you). Kerry didn't have a chance. He was the smart player in a fool's game. He was the college professor who obviously knew his subject, but we had no interest in it; he was polished like sterling; he was the Hero in a world disillusioned by Heroes.

Social Security Crisis Looms, Film at Eleven

We've been hearing more and more about the impending catastrophic failure of Social Security lately. Did you know that most of the extreme rhetoric is propaganda? I didn't...

Finally, someone takes a look at the real issues and puts the "crisis" in perspective.

Read the article for the 411.

-Michael

Political Correctness and Accusations of Gay Bashing

Hello friends. During the course of email events, we all say things unintentionally that hurt others. Thus far I have found the best approach in life is to maintain a self of humor, be genuine, and apologize if something you say offends someone. Of course, often the PC police are on the prowl and expect you to offer an apology not because they were offended, but because something you said might be offensive to someone else.

Today I got an email...an email from a friend sent to a number of people, asking if anyone was familiar with a popular subscription based video rental service. He got one response back. And, I noticed that one of our other in-common-friends on the distribution list had not responded.

Now I knew three things about this friend (Eric).

1. He had been a fan of Netflix a number of years ago and really enjoyed the service.
2. He generally does not answer email.
3. He went through a period of time at when he was a member of netflix when he was renting films with a decidedly homo-erotic bent.

The last two points have been the subject of much good-natured ribbing over the years. And, since I knew Eric likely wouldn't respond in person, I responded to the original email with the following:

Eric appears to be in a "I'm not answering emails anymore" mode these
days, but I can vouch for the fact that he at one time was a member of
Netflix. ...he liked the fact that he could get his hom0-er0tic films
without the embarrassment of dealing with the people at the video
store.

My question to the world at large is this, "Is this email patently offensive to the world at large? The subject of the humor was not that homo-erotic movies are funny in themselves, but the uncomfortable sense many people feel when renting pornography. Ok, so it wasn't that funny, as far as jokes go...but such good natured ribbing is all part of the peer identification and group identification that goes on with this guy. Well, in the flash of an eye, I got the following message in my email box:

You and your "reply to all" emails. Not that they would be that
offended, but one of my friends you sent that to is gay.

Now, what's this mean? The implied message I get is that gay folk would find my email offensive. It is interesting that the actual text of the email directly contradicts the more important, subtextual message which is essentially, "Be careful, because it sounds like you are gay bashing." WTF?

Well, being somewhat offended of being accused by the PC police of being offensive, I responded quickly:

How does mentioning homo-erotic movies anti-gay?

This of course serves the point that I should have proof-read my response before sending it. Nevertheless, I think the recipient could read through the bad grammar and replace "does" with "is." Judging by the response, I'm assuming that he did in fact deconstruct my email and get my question, for his response said simply:

Why don't you go to England and visit Prince Harry you fucking fascist!

Now there are two things that bug me about this. The first thing is equating the perceived anti-gay sentiment the reader accused me of disseminating in my email with the insensitivity of a public official who would dress up as the leader of a group responsible for the torture and death of millions of Jews, Christians, and political dissidents. The second is the rather humorous willingness to use the term "fascist" without any apparent understanding of what it actually means. I mean, if anything, the very suggestion that one should exercise prior restraint in public and private discourse(as PC police so often do) is itself a characteristic of fascism.

Ah well, so it looks like a twofer Sunday. Please feel free to add your thoughts and opinions.

-Michael

Know What "Old Soul" Means?

I was told yesterday by a colleague that I am an “old soul, perhaps an old soul than me; and I think that I have things that I can learn from you.” Such a comment in a professional environment is a bit unusual, but what really struck me was that I had not a clue what my colleague was talking about.

Now, the rub is in figuring out exactly what an “old soul” might be. I haven’t the foggiest, really. I suspect he is referring to the fact that I tend not to get worked up over the myriad crises that arise during the course of any business day…that I am more laid-back than most. The trick is, of course, not to sweat the small stuff. But still, what does it mean to be called an old soul?

Like most lazy researchers, I turned to the internet for answers. Availing myself to the fantastical powers of Google, I happened across the following:

Old Soul Philosophy. Despite its promising title, this page offered absolutely no help to me. What I need is a definition, something with meat (so to speak) that I can stick my teeth into and have a Eureka moment. Alas, no such luck here.

Next up on the G-List was this site, which was more promising. Amongst other rather broad characterizes of old souls, they suggested the following.

Old souls:

• Are experienced
• Appreciate tradition
• Are down to earth
• Are sensible
• Are impatient
• Hate injustice
• Are protective of family and friends
• Are independent
• Enjoy both solitude and company

Well that certainly didn’t help. I mean, just about any person and personality trait can find some things in this list that they value. Besides, it didn’t get me any closer to a definition that made sense within the business world.

So on I went, working my way down the list. Shari’s Blog offered this valuable bit of wisdom. “An old soul is nothing but a slow learner.” This is a quote from Dr. Peebles in To Dance With Angels. I’m familiar with neither the good doctor nor the work he appears in. But still, something about the definition appeals to me. I like it for its wry humor and apparent sarcasm. Still, no closer to a definition.

Crystal Links offered a rather freakish definition. From this I learned that I have “reached a higher frequency” and that I am aware that I am “experiencing multidimensionality.” Damn, and I thought the flu was bad! Next!

This rather odd definition appears sandwiched in a page that seemingly does nothing more than offer advertising for Vonage and Weight Loss. Maybe old souls are fat believers in VOIP?

Next up was michaelteachings.com (no affiliation), which more than makes up for the brevity of other sites in sheer verbiage, but far exceeds any rational expectations of a concise definition by introducing not just the “old soul” concept, but integrating it into a whole freakish cultish framework.

So, I’ve felt that I’ve done my due diligence and at least tried to understand what this particular label means when used to describe me. I’m not so much giving up because I’m discouraged, but because I’m bored. With that in mind, if any of you can tell me clearly what it means, do share.

-Michael

Morning Coffee After Snow

Well, the snow came. And came. And came again. Probably about a foot, but surely no more.

The plow that plowed our parking lot so bright and early yesterday morning was nowhere to be seen by 7:00am today. While thankful to not be awakened by the sound of his machinations in the lot beneath my window at an earlier hour; I grew to resent his tardiness as I hoisted shovel after shovel of snow by hand in an effort to clear a path for my car.

Once ejected from the lot and out on the public thoroughfares, the driving was much better than yesterday (which puzzles me, as today we had thrice the snow of yesterday but the roads were better).

Ah yes, a beautiful drive into work on a crisp and clear January morning. And when I arrived at work, my car door was frozen so that it wouldn't stay closed. Fortunately I had anticipated such behavior from the product of the finest automobile engineers in the world (the Germans) and wonder, for how much longer will they be able to lay claim to that title when their products consistently behave in such a manner? I started my car again with the extra key I brought, turned the heater up high and went into the office. By the time I had cleared off my desk and started my computers, cleaned off my coffee cup and blew my nose, I decided to venture out and check the car door.

A few minutes of hot air is just the ticket to convince the product of the finest automobile engineers in the world (the Germans) to behave as it should. From there, it was off for coffee...

And the coffee is at a convenience store a block away. I walked with my great boots through the snow, cup in hand, a lone man on a mission for a.m. redemption. When I left the shop, coffee still too warm to drink, I noticed a woman stuck in her car half way betwixt the main street and a side road...the side road, of course, that I had to cross to get back to the office.

Resigned to the fact that I couldn't just walk past her without trying to help, I settled my cup down in the snow and informed her that no matter how hard she tried, judging by the great mound of snow that had accumulated under her front bumper, she was not going to be able to go forward...but that I would help her, if she agreed to try going in reverse. After a few minutes pushing, timing it just right to avoid the traffic behind her, I realized that there was no unit small enough with which we could measure our success.

Fortunately, at that point, a rough hewn man pulled over his truck and got out to help. After a few minutes of mangrunting as we labored, the woman and her car launched back out into the road.

When she came to a stop, she put it in drive and drove away without nary a wave and I, stooping over to retrieve my coffee, noticed that it was cold.